The Duo Groupie of the Week is the A.I. Cortana from the Halo series. I know I know, Cortana is not a “real” person, but as I said before, I have to stretch some of this stuff to anything involving games. Coming of the heels of our success with “Without Providence”, I figured I would take a look at Cortana and what makes her such a babe to both the game and it’s fans.
Cortana is a consistant character in the Halo universe. She is an A.I (Spencer Note: That means Artificial Intelligence, Mitch) who was mapped after the brain Dr. Cartherine Halsey, the creator of the SPARTAN project which created Master Chief. Somewhere through the books, it is explained that Cortana chose Master Chief and they’ve been kicking arse ever since.
Now obvisouly there are a few factors involved in Cortana’s ranking as one of the sexiest female characters in video games. It should be noted that the original modeling design was based on the Egyptian queen Nefertiti. That being said, Nefertiti has the word “titi” in her name, and that pretty much sums it up as to what does it for the fans….
Like Mystique from the X-man movies, Cortana is pretty much naked all the time. Now she isn’t anotomically correct, but she has that “I’m naked and confident in walking around like this” attitude that Rebecca Romain personifies.
So that takes care of the “You’re naked but you’re not” factor. (Spencer’s Note: We will touch on that topic later). Moving forward the next factor in Cotrana’s hotness is the fact that she is the brains behind the operation. Hot nerds are like Spider-Man #1 comics, you either find them at a garage sale/flea markets by chance OR you have to pay a lot of money for one. Cortana has so much brains that she only lives seven years because she learns and adapts so much information that she will eventually “think herself to death.”
So she has brains and looks, what about her personality? Well if you are lookin for the Tri-Fecta, then you got it. Cortana, has that “Peter Parker” personality where she cracks jokes when your in the middle of a Flood invasion. She also is that supportive nurturing mother like figure scratches that Oedipis itch every gamer has. She never gives up hope in Master Chief you and even sacrifices herself for Master Chief you.
MOM!?!! Yes, well no....well kinda, but not enough to make this unspoken love creepy in any way.
One last thing, and this is what people overlook, but I am going to bring to your attention. Cortana projects herself as a hologram, which Master Chief carries around on a flash drive. A FUTURISTIC 2525 FLASH DRIVE!!! That means you can freaking take her ANYWHERE you want…
….seriously though, ANYWHERE:
Airplane Bathroom to join the mile-high club – CHECK
Your bosses office to get him/her back for whatever shit they did to you-NO PROBLEM
Your parents bedroom while they are downstairs watching Pride and Prejudice - PIECE OF CAKE
The park where your ex-girlfiend walks her dog – A GREAT IDEA!!
The bicycle eisle at your local Toys-R-US – YOU BET….although you may have a talk with Chris Hanson afterwards.
Anyway, not only is she portable, but when she gets to be a lil too much….you can turn her off. IN FACT, you can turn her off and on whenever you please. I don’t think the Japanese could make a female that perfect……until 2525 that is.
"This isn't the Governor's suite at the Hilton in Hawaii!!!"
So she has it all, which makes sense, but did we mention that there is even more female behind Cortana?!??! How is that possible you ask? Well as I always say to Graham “Anything is possible.” He tends to turn around and get upset by saying “you aren’t the one doing it,” but I pretend like I don’t hear him by smiling and staring off into the distance. ANYWAY, Cortana is voiced by Jen Taylor!
Ok, she isn’t a 10. Lets be honest here though, she is better then what most people who play Halo (discluding myself) can get.
So all this adds up to one major character in possibly one of the most popular gaming titles ever. What does this mean for you and I you ask? Well it means lots of goth girls dressing up like this…
This one is SO half assed!!!!
So yah, lots of half naked goth chicks…..is what you get…….which Graham likes……but …….well I guess its your call.
So, how am I connected to Cortana. Well hold on to your belt buckles, cuz this one is a long one. The name Cortana is a variant of Curtana, the sword used by the legendary Ogier the Dane. Ogier the Dane is a legendary Danish Hero, who had a sword named Curtana, unwhich it was inscribed “My name is Cortana, of the same steel and temper as Joyeuse and Durendal.” Durendal was the sword of Charlemagne’s paladin Roland. A paladin is a class of character in the popular video game, World of Warcraft. I played World of Warcraft. THE CONNECTION IS MADE!!!!
So, she’s a smart, funny, babe wearing nothing but well placed graphics. I guess I could have summarized it with that. Anyway, none the less, CONGRATULATIONS CORTANA A.I. on being this weeks Duo Groupie of the Week!!!
